Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
