My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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