Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
