why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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