PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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