1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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