Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
