I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
