Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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