When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
