Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
