I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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