dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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