lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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