how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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