I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
