Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
