My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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