hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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