i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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