but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
