Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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