Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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