If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
