i would punch a child for taco bell
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
