you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
