Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
