i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
