no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
