I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
