Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
