i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
