My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
