As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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