my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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