escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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