if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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