Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
