Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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