Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
