I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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