Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
