Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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