what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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