I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When are your genitals available?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
