Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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