hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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