Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
