guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
