I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
