In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
