I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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