I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
