I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
